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Coping With Grief and Loss

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It’s been ten years since my father passed away, but as I’ve come to realize, the pain never really goes away. It creeps up when you least expect it and all I can do is cope the best way I can until it passes. I tell myself that he’s in a better place, and a part of me has come to believe that, but sometimes I forget, and I wonder whether this is one of those lies that we tell ourselves to make us feel better.

For the longest time after his death, it was hard for me to come to terms with things. I couldn’t understand how healing seemed so much easier for everyone else. In hindsight, perhaps it hadn’t been that easy for any of them either; maybe we’re just good at hiding things when we put our minds to it.

People lose loved ones without getting to say goodbye all the time, someone once told me. It was meant to be words of comfort, I suppose, except I didn’t see it that way at the time. How was that supposed to make me feel better?

But little by little, things do get better, even if it has taken me this long to get to where I am now. I’m learning that’s okay, too. We all grieve in our own way and in our own time.

If you’re going through a difficult time, I wish you strength and the will to go on. Take as long as you need, and don’t let other people tell you how to grieve. In time, healing will come.

Remember, hope is a good thing. – Stephen King (The Shawshank Redemption)

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9 thoughts on “Coping With Grief and Loss

  1. I did get chills listening to Green Day. Good Post! My dad passed on 4 years ago, and the grieving truly never ends, it softens. Sometimes I feel like he’s standing right next to me.

  2. I lost my father when I was only 15, many years ago but I still miss him all the time. Mum passed 18 months ago so I know how the grief can creep up on you at unexpected times. It does get easier, but a part of them are always with me and that is a comfort. I agree that everyone deals with things differently, there is no wrong or right way, only your way. Blessings to you.

  3. Thank you for sharing this. My mum, who is in her 80s, was only saying the other day how she misses her father – and he died 50 years ago. The only difference now is that the feelings of grief no longer overwhelm her. I feel the same about my dad, who died 12 years ago.

  4. The grieving only changes its form, but it never goes away. I believe that as long as we hold those we loved in our hearts and minds, they continue to live through us, so perhaps that’s why we must have these feelings.

  5. I’m so sorry for the passing of your father. I know how long the pain of missing loved ones can last and how it can sneak up on you through something as simple as a song or a word or a suddenly recalled memory. My husband passed away eight years ago and those things can still make me cry. I don’t think grieving ever really ends. My parents are nearing 80. We’ve always been close. I so dread the time I know will be coming, and as I watch them grow frailer, I pray for them and for myself, for the strength to get through it. I hope you are able to find peace.

  6. I’m so sorry you lost your dad. When the emotions sneak up on you like that, it’s really a testament to how much he meant to you and that’s a beautiful thing. Thanks for your wise post. I truly believe we need to give each other the permission to heal in our own time. And your last paragraph contains words I really needed to hear (or read) at this exact moment!

  7. So sorry for your loss, Maggie. No, you never get over it. You just go on. People often ask me how we survived the deaths of two sons. I never know what to say. We just did. Wanting it not to have happened doesn’t work, so I think survival instincts kick in for most. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Oh, will see you tomorrow~.

  8. losses are holes in your heart that mend but still leave scars. and saying goodbye helps with closure.
    wishing you peace and happiness as you think of fond memories.

  9. Thanks everyone for your kind words and well wishes. I truly appreciate it. ❤

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